the cass report iv

1. - Saturday June 21st 2025 - Summer Solstice

Had an edible and watched Misdommar which I think is the only way to watch Midsommar. Great movie. Watched the director's cut but obviously didn't notice much of a difference because when I watched the regular cut I was stoned too. Feel neutral about which version is better because both times I was just super engaged. Makes you think about death a lot. Two people die preordianed deaths, and I sit there thinking about how scary it is, knowing the exact day you're going to die, having a fixed length lifespan. Then others who are chosen at random out of a group. Waking up in the morning with one in thirty odds of dieing that day! Scary stuff. It's also the solstice, hence the rewatch, so I'm thinking about the pace of time twice over. Obviously I'm going to live to 200 and probably forever, but it is strange to know roughly what proportion of your life is behind you. But it doesn't feel like 24 years - it feels like a sort of soupy eternity that fades off into lost memory. I started journaling this year to have a record of individual days and to combat patchy memory. It hasn't actually helped me remember things in my head, but it's nice to know I have a record of stuff.

Speaking of records, listened to the a-side ST37's Spaceage because it has stonehenge on the back cover. Didn't do the back side because Amy made the clutch move of sticking on some folk on spotify. Fairport Convention's Come All Ye and Linda Perhac's Sandy Toes are favourites at the moment. We've burned candles, which we must do more often. I want to make a monstro wax blob by burning some over and over. Maybe sculpt stuff into it only for it to get slowly re-buried by more melted wax.

Cousins staying the night for my aunt's hen night. Bron's here too, staying for a week. Have been sent a photo of dick straws.

x

2. - Sunday June 22nd 2025

On my way home from work. Hello dear readers! You may have noticed that TCR#4 is looking a little different to previous issues. This year I've been keeping a daily journal, as well as making these occasional newsletters, and I thought it would be genius to combine the two into some freaky new thing. This could backfire if I don't do anything interesting and you end up reading nearly a hundred days worth of entries of me going to my very normal job, or sitting at home and twiddling my thumbs. At the very least I'll be getting stoned and watching movies pretty regularly. I'm also still going to be keeping my other journal - this isn't a replacement, just a sort of additional thing because I think it'll be interesting to see how different they are given that one is VERY public and the other is almost exclusively private. I'm going to try and have an entry for every day between now and the autumn equinox, although I have occasionally forgotten to write in my comprehensive year journal. I think I'm less likely to forget to do it with this one because 1. Its on my phone instead of a ratty notebook and 2. The more i write the more junk you're obligated to read, ha ha ha. I'm also going to try to be totally honest and only write about any given day ON that day and also try and not censor whatever i write, whether I was sober drunk or high. So there might be some weird shit.

Anyway, today we had breakfast with our departing cousins and then rewatched 28 Days Later in preparation for 28 Years. Masterpiece shit. Of course I love the grainy cameras it's filmed with. Feels as if you're watching it play out in memory, with details faded and blurred, images overlayed in reflections, idyllic paintings in place of reality. Expect to see thoughts on 28 Years in a few entries time.



3. - Monday 23rd June 2025

In my cousin Tom's car driving home from the pub. Me, Bron and Amy have travelled to Brighton right as the current heatwave peters out. Me and Amy came down a week ago at 25°C, to a totally calm and clear sea. Today, a 20mph wind driving up from the south was stirring up a pretty decent surf that had us fighting waves and whatever the technical term for a sideways push in the waves is. Great fun! Warmer in the sea than in the wind. Staying the night here for more tomorrow.

Left my paper journal at home, but reassured it with a little note that it was just because I didn't want to pack it up with my wet trunks and towel, so it's just this one tonight. It is odd journalling for an audience! I've got to think about that second layer for everything I might say - what I might want to keep to myself, and making what i do write interesting. Obviously not intetesting enough though because I'm falling asleep.

4. - Tuesday June 24th 2025 - Dear Wes

Off to a good start, wondering if this is interesting enough and then falling asleep half way into writing it. Was going to say yesterday, it's strange writing for other people, even though obviously I've done three Cass Reports now. But doing my everyday journal for public consumption is strange because normally I'm just doing it for my own benefit, keeping track of what I've done that day, and that's not always going to be particularly interesting to anyone else. Anyway I'm home from Brighton now, after an afternoon spent at the seafront, but not swimming in the too-choppy sea, and a quick tour through the quirky lane shops. I could tell you all about the previous days and I will if you click where it says "previous day" in yellow, but that's very much an optional read, because I don't want to be the guy who shows you a 2000 image slideshow about his two weeks in the Norwegian fjords learning about the history of herring salting. Anyway. From Brighton we raced back to London for: Dear Wes... part 2.

Dear Wes... part 1 is a fifteen minute documentary film by Jess Crooks of Trans Matters Worldwide, interviewing trans kids and people involved in various trans and human rights orgs about health secretary Wes Streeting and his upholding of the puberty blockers ban. My friend Raphi is a producer on it and part two, and was today at a screening and q&a at the Rio Cinema in Dalston. Holy shit right! Very immensely cool.

I found myself bubbling up with anger as it went on, which is impressive because the film contains very little. It's set almost entirely to chirpy, positive music and set in soft lighting to a backdrop of static protest signs, and contains a lot of confusion and sadness, but anger is present only as something not being felt currently, if that makes sense. It's definitely happening out of shot, but it's not an angry film. And yet I found myself fuming anyway. Of course, I'm fuming whenever the topic comes up, so I hope it will evoke that in people not yet invested in the "debate" (read: state-sponsored bigotry and violence). I think it will - it sets a totally, honestly bleak tone about the state of things for trans people right now. One of the kids lists off a few horribly transphobic things that have been said to them, and then ends it with but at least I've not gone through any proper transphobia. The state of things is just so dire that we can't envision a society with real trans acceptance. The film makes it very clear how reasonless it is to take away this completely reversible treatment, from a tiny number of kids, whilst tens of thousands of others get it. The cruelty is the point, and there's no room to see it as otherwise. Go and give it a watch and share it around if you can. It deserves a lot of eyes on it, and above all it's an invaluable film because it gives these kids, who are being viciously thrown under the bus by an uncaring, evil government for a few votes, a place to say their own piece. I just hope any of the vile orchestrators of the current climate feel the sum of all the misery they've caused. Fuck you, Wes.

5. - Wednesday 25th June 2025

Went and saw 28 Years Later after a day of lazing around. It's too damn hot. Been listening to Toro Y Moi's Mahal a lot, great summer album, and not only because of Way Too Hot. Definitely could be album of the season...

28 Years is wacky. A real mix of stuff, flashy iPhone camera rigs capturing quick arcs around arrow impacts, angry red nightvision shots of imagined zombies, a fever dream ending. Very folksy too, set on this farming island cut off from the rest of the world by an endless quarantine. Really effectively establishes this tiny stalled world in the wake of civilisation, and how much the comforts of the 19th and 20th century seem like a blip against a background of endless fighting and subsistence. Also a real palpable sense of isolation, and community and solidarity in the face of it, told with few words. Need a rewatch soon. It takes some pretty unique turns, not least the final five minutes. Not a complete picture either - the next two in this trilogy are going to be fucking wild. Very excited to see where they're about to take it, with the next one due out in just seven months!

Cracked open some lemon-ginger kombucha, stored away in a bottle to collect up bubbles and infuse with flavour after the first ferment with the SCOBY in an open top jar. It blew like a bottle of champagne and shot a proper arc of foam into the garden. Hell yeah. Tastes lovely too! Have done a few so far but this is the best one by far. Very exciting!

6. - Thursday 26th June 2025

Went out for a night walk after a lovely evening at Raphi and Diana's! Hi Raphi and Diana! Always a good time and we ended up painting after a lovely meal! I need like a hundred different recipes from those two. They always cook so good, and are just lovely company! Love you two!!

Got home and redployed joint in hand for night walk. There's a great park just downhill from my house. You can reach it through a nature reserve woods or a slightly jagged route through the streets and footpaths, which we took today. We left the band of streetlights to smoke at the bandstand, but other people were in there so it was too scary and we went and sat on the grass by the brook. Watched a fox snooping around the litter bins as we smoked, and then set off back home down the path.

Talked about the Chengdu space mirror idea, the plan to launch a great big reflecting mirror into space so that it could reflect light down like a second moon, so that the city of Chengdu could save on its lighting bill. Literally redirecting a sunbeam. Bron hates it. I think it'd be nasty to have permanent daylight, but I at least want to experience a city eerily lit up to night-light level from high orbit. Seems like it'd be uncanny and cool as fuck. It would of course fuck with nature, but if we make the city a concrete cyberpunk sprawl with no nature to fuck with I feel like it would be aesthetically sick as hell. A while ago someone online joked(?) about a startup that would do the same thing with a much smaller mirror, so you could just summon a twenty meter square of sunlight on your house, or your annoying neighbour's house. That'd be great. I'd easily pay £20 an hour to make it permanently daytime some dickhead politician's house. Have fun sleeping at night now, Wes.

big if true

Then we walked home through the fox-ruled streets, and as we stopped to watch them, two cats ran out of a garden and took up formation beside us. For a few minutes we were deeply engaged in the actually incredibly uneventful night lives of the two cats and two foxes, following them back and forth, watching them spot things and run around wary of eachother. When we eventually did turn the corner, we looked back to see one of the foxes duck away down an alley, cat close behind. The moment has passed now, and I really need to write these sorts of things in the thrall of it, but it was lovely seeing these little characters play out their dramas in the streets. The cat escorted us down most of the street, acting too cool to be pet even though I know it's a real softie in the daytime.

7. - Friday 27th June 2025

Chilled at home - went out for bubble tea - went to work and did a BAR shift. they never put me on the bar! found out it's actully very easy. nice!

got home and ate work pizza and ramen bron made <3 thanks bron! feels an uneventful day but of course in a very pleasant way.

wondering about putting these quieter days in the "yap" boxes, keeping the main bulk of TCR4 to the particularly notable ones...

8. - Saturday 28th June 2025

Lots to talk about! Bron left this morning, via victoria coach station and the bells of doom tolled again. There were too many passengers for the coach! This time they were on the ball with a replacement, or supposedly, because Bron got on the first and escaped. But this fulfills my brewing conspiracy, that national express are overbooking their coaches because "eh it'll shake out alright". I am fully convinced of this. Ignore the fact that they fully refunded mine AND gave me a voucher which would make that an unfeasible business move.

So Bron got their coach okay! But the problem is that Bron is now gone. ouch. Luckily it's not long until we see eachother again; they're back for my aunt's wedding, in one whole entire ceaseless unending month. Miss you Bron!

From here i expect things will be slow for a week or two. If you are finding this format boring or slow, you should start skipping shit. I'll highlight the next essential piece of TCR#4 reading in red. Godspeed. If you read absolutely every word that's also cool. If you were already skipping shit click here for a subway surfers video you can put alongside this to help your attention span.

Read a script my friend Amelia sent me for feedback which im yet to give. But i will have sent it by the time you're reading this. I hope.

Never a chore to read her work. Exceptional shit, read them with relish every time. Funny, playful, daunting. Peak fiction. And even better you can listen to them! She turns them into professionally voice acted and expertly well produced audio dramas, holy shit how sick is that? Go check out previous work Dying In Space With You.

She also does a newsletter! Head over there!

videofungus.neocities.org

I've just been through the aforementioned woods. Yes to get stoned. I found that a branch of the catreedral featured in tcr#3 has snapped, but instead of falling to the ground, has been caught by the other tree. Suddenly it's a very cool, very precarious natural sculpture that i was a little worried would all come crashing down on my head.

x

9. - Sunday 29th June 2025

very hot day, sweat dripping down my forehead on the bus to work. but work itself wasn't too bad, went by very quickly, and amazing how much it just disappears from memory when it's earlier in the day. i'm normally closing and today i started at blah blah blah. boooring! did write a decent amount in my other journal, which i'd been neglecting. think it's actually very important for me to have somewhere to put down thoughts on a page that isn't intended for anyone else. not that there's anything particularly scandalous in there.

and this is the last talking-about-writing-the-journal thing i'll do (I HOPE) but hahaha i am very amused by the sheer wall of text doing this has generated already. DEFINITELY not putting any of them in yaps. This is going to be comically long.

10. - Monday 30th June 2025

what even happened today. hottest bastard day of the year. 34 degrees or something? nasty.

watched "12 Angry Men" for the first time (set also on THEIR hottest day of the year, see?) holy shit what a movie. awesome shit. 95% just these twelve men sitting in a room and it's just absolutely totally enaging. did this a few times.

wrote a decent bit more of this sorta novella thing i've been working on for a few months too long. very excited to send that round for thoughts, probably after a quick round of redrafts though. definitely needs a bit of polishing still. but i think it's pretty good. with any luck you'll have read it before this is out! funny because that means i can write about it here. i've been avoiding talking to people about it because historically i have talked about all my writing projects to lots of people and then never finished them, so i'm keeping things covert here in hopes that will force me to finish it.

also okay i DID have another meta thought about writing this journal. it's nice to have something that is solidified and complete at the end of the day. these little entries ARE going to get seen by people. maybe. if anyone actually reads this in full. or at least doesn't give up before the first ten entries are over.

11. - Tuesday 1st July 2025 - The Wind of Change

The heatwave breaks. Sitting downstairs in the cooling air. Baking hot today, so went to the cinema to see 28 Years Later again. Good movie. Good air conditioning there too.

Came home and went for customary late evening get-stoned-in-the-woods walk. Far too dry to actually smoke in the woods, not without worrying that I'll send the whole thing up in flames. Walked down to the little bandstand through the woods already darkening soon after sunset. Saw yesterday that the catreedral had further collapsed and walked past it again today. Still precarious, now with another branch crashed down and blocking the path. Another in the park has lost a branch, and it looks so odd laying next to the tree with all the leaves withered and faded, as if it fell off and fossilised.

Also saw some caterpillars I've been visiting over the last few days. Cinnabar caterpillars sitting on a yellow-flowering, stalky plant. They wiggle their heads in warning when you get close. Today noticed that they've eaten a few flowers and migrated to different parts of the plant. Or perhaps something ate them and took the flowers for the similar colour too.

Came home and lay on the sofa writing with all the windows and the back door open. Wind strengthened until deep rumbles started rolling past, like distant thunder, but apparently just the echoes of planes passing over. Strange sound. Felt like something I've never heard before. Like the sound of the seasons changing. Hopefully the rain comes as forecast and the trees stop falling apart.

Listened to Tangerine Dream's live Ricochet as this wind rumbled about the house. Helped mum chose a new phone charger.

12. - Wednesday July 2nd 2025

went off into town for two things: amy wanted fabrics from dalston mill, i wanted vinyl record from vinyl record shop. dalston is a really cool bit of london. shoutout to dalston. then we went to the bits that i go to all the time and missed all the cool stuff. was going out to fetch the aforementioned "MAHAL" by toro y moi. gearing up to be album of the season, i think... i've been wanting to buy that and unknown mortal orchestras "V" for years, but been putting it off because records are too expensive and vinyl is a stupid format and i never play them. anyway. bought mahal, finally. chose that one of the two because it's a decent bit cheaper. i mean V is £40!!! what the heeeell. also wanted to get a new needle from the record player. did best-ever-shop-name winner fopp have one? no, but richer sounds up the road might. nope, but fopp might! so instead, went to rough trade on denmark street, who also didn't have the needle, but hang on a minute over here in the sale section they have the UMO album for £22??? holy shiiiiiiiiiiiit. what the fuck. grabbed that. wallet drained. maybe i can drain it more if the music shop next door has the needle i need. nope, but check out the record stores on berwick street. nope times three, oh my god! but west end DJ might have them.

finally circle in on them after the wild goose chase. and they do! fuck yeah. come home and spin my shit.

it's also world ufo day so we watched 1977 made-for-tv ufo flick "foes", emboldened by a dozen glowing letterboxd reviews who FAILED me because it was shit. ufo did look sick as fuck though.

also amy reminded me that as of today we're closer to 2050 than to 2000. welcome to the future oldies. your fifties LOOM!!!

13. - Thursday July 3rd 2025

0:44 on Friday 4th July 2025. Went with Raphi to a trans meetup thing in Retro Bar in Covent Garden. wow gender. crazy. im going to shave my beard now.

what else. well first of all i had a lot to say about that trans meetup thing earlier but i drank a lot (for me.[three pints]). typical. i was on my way home thinking "shit this is really gonna be a good cass report entry today" and then totally forgot all the cool, smart, intelligent stuff i was gonna say. but trust me guys it was gonna be sick my IQ is soooo high.

well that's one thing. twice i felt it nescecary (fucking hate trying to spell that word. don't even get me started on unnesecary). hang on. those brackets are too distracting, let me start again.

twice i felt it *googles the spelling* "necessary" to explain that i named myself cass BEFORE that whole other thing. even though it would be sick as fuck to name yourself after something in protest. gay guy in the 90s called section 28.

idk man. shit be cray. just wild to be sitting in a group of friendly, lovely people all talking about how we're under attack from their own government. it is nice, at least, to be able to take solace in the fact that it *will* be viewed as an atrocity. but how fucking sad is it that i even have to say that.



malignant grip of fascism in the UK and wider world aside, it was actually a really nice night! will be going to the next one for sure except i'm away and i won't be. but the NEXT ONE AFTER THAT! i'll probably be there. maybe.

14. - Friday July 4th 2025

chill out day (because i was a bit hungover) before work at 6.30. went on phone. went on computer. didn't read but wrote like one hundred words hehehe. came home. cousin and cousins boyfriend are staying the night. i rolled a joint because i'm a useless junkie. got stuff to do tomorrow i need to sleeeep!

15. - Saturday July 5th 2025

Oops too late!

16. - Sunday July 6th 2025

In Bron's room. Have travelled to Wales for a few days with the national express voucher I got from when they fucked up before. So far we've been fixing Bron's room up to move the desk and the bed, but the next few days have a pretty packed schedule!

17. - Monday July 7th 2025

1am at karaoke in Cardiff. It's George's birthday, who I know through Bron because... because all Welsh people know eachother, I think? Sung Once In A Lifetime... same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was...

noticulent clouds north of barry at 3.30am

me

18. - Tuesday July 8th 2025

Moon rising above Hinkley point like it's just a well formed cloud. Not any lighter than anything else in the sky yet, the sun's only just set. Walked down into the brick arm protected bay, low tide. On the sand with dozens of sand fleas hopping about right now. Zach and Joe visited from Bath for a beach day which turned into a little hike around historic Barry. The roman ruins, the bronze age burial mound, through Porthkerry to Barry castle. Moon is starting to brighten up now. Very fun time. Sea was lovely! Dropped them off at the station and heard music coming from the little coffee shop. Turned out to be improv synth and bass played live for a drawing-to-music session.

You have to cross a stream of outflowing water to get up the other side so of course I got distracted and waded in it and the sea a little there. All the clouds are a beautiful pinky purple. Pebbles dragged by the water in little migrating herds.

Have a recording of one of the previous music-drawing sessions on. Very cool. You can hear the platform noises, the announcements, the trains rolling in. So cool to find that! Great day and it's only 9.30. Better get my shoes back on to go meet Bron on their way home from dnd.

19. - Wednesday July 9th 2025

Was meant to visit Bridgend today but we went for a lazy day instead.

20. - Thursday July 10th 2025 - Vibe shift???

Day was SO lazy yesterday i only wrote one sentence. we went out shopping for hair dye supplies so i could dye my hair. also i shaved the beard. fun day!

then TODAY: returned home from Wales. what would have been a glum ride on a trundling little train to cardiff was actually a very nice stop-off at a cafe and a speedy drive into cardiff with GOOD MUSIC (crazy frog and alanis morissette what a combo who knew) thanks to Seren (Bronwen's sibling) 's boyfriend Dan giving us a lift. Wow what a mess of a sentence. Thanks Dan and Seren for good vibes!!!

Slept half the coach journey. Quite enjoyed the other, awake half. The coach isn't so bad except your butt hurting after sitting down for four hours. Good views and I always get a meal deal beforehand. Music is essential and it's a good time to read.

Get home. Sit down for five minutes. Change. Go to work.

At work there is a power cut. I don't see it but apparently it sort of flickered throughout the whole building, and cut out the projectors in screens one and four, but the speakers kept playing sound. I don't know what it is but I find power cuts fucking weird. messes with my head in the way that ghosts mess with people who believe in ghosts. maybe it's the uncertainty of them, and how they can just sort of happen, plunge you into darkness. light switches not working was something that used to happen in my dreams a lot so i guess my subconscious just really does not like that shit.

so today has just been EERIE since coming back. certainly coming home to the empty house for ten minutes didn't help. massive full moon which is nice. been thinking about this tweet "Something shifted. Shits about to get real weird" that popped off on astrology/crystal/whatever twitter on january 26th 2020 hahaha. great timing. feels like that. but also i might have just been smoking too much weed.



but the vibe IS shifting. the winds of change did blow, after all...

was on the tube thinking about something joe and zach talked about; how the london underground is buried in clay, which is only amassing more and more heat as the tube runs, and is essentially uncoolable. was thinking about how it's just going to become this uninhabitable helltube unless they can just... violate the laws of physics and cool it down somehow? what the hell. please invent magic so i can keep using the victoria line

also thinking about AI. yes i could be buying into the hype, with all the ai people talking about how it's going to change the world. but i do think it's doing that, in a horrible way. making us more incurious, reducing the artistic process down to something as short as a single sentence.



but i DO think things are about to change crazy fast. i could look back at this in a few years and turn out to have been totally wrong, like that seems equally likely. but this seems like it will be an enormous change, but more to people's behaviour. the change won't be what the ai can do, because nothing it makes is designed to be deeply engaged with - it'll be in how it enables us to be totally isolated with little real outside influence on our daily lives. just bubbles. it does just feel like a lot of the population are just going to dissapear into their own little worlds.

21. - Friday July 11th 2025

Fuck its fucking late again damn. Went and saw F1 today with Raphi! Fun movie. Race scenes are super tense. I love that it's just two sorta dipshits cheating their way into winning. Then went straight into hell-hot work shift that ended past midnight and had me fucked off. Over now, phew! Can't wait for F2.

went through woods and found the catreedral even MORE collapsed



22. - Saturday 12th July 2025

In my aunt Jenni's spare room. Ed is here? Hilarity has been ensuing. What the fuck is going on? All will be explained...

When Ed met us at Milton Keynes Station (most hype place in the UK btw) there was just some dude there who stunk of weed so it was like I was the weed guy and I had to be like NO that's not me. Also when I put out TCR#2 Amy was at my aunt's house and laughed loud enough at the bit where Ed was compared to Sheldon Cooper that my aunt asked to see and so her introduction to Ed was where I called him my probably-future-husband.

23. - Sunday 13th July 2025

God damnit journaling fucking sucks because you get to the end of a long day and youre ready to sleep and its like fuck I have to journal.

Me and Ed and Amy were in Milton Keynes (actually Hanslope) for a sci-fi convention called smallspace which weve been to a few times. Our aunt helps to run it and we volunteer too which involved making teas and coffees and assembling the world's most homely bacon baps and burgers. Its pretty sick. Loads of spaceship modelling enthusiasts packed into a tiny little village hall. Also happens to line up with the day the village has a church fair, so we climbed its tower and saw the bells and the view of the marvellous (flat and dare i say, boring) milton keynes landscape. I'll see if ed wants to contribute his own recollection of the day tomorrow.

We came home from that and me and Ed went straight to the local wetherspoons where my everyman colleague luigi was having birthday drinks. Ended up being the funniest work pub night potentially of all time. Long story short my manager said this.

24. - Monday 14th July 2025

Breakfast down in the village and then back home to chill and watch Superman (the 1978 one). Amy and Mum have GONE, so now its just me and Ed. Went cycling in Trent Park

x. - Tuesday 15th July 2025

25. - Wednesday 16th July 2025

Holyyy shit. Missed a day yesterday for the first time in this thing. Also missed it in my paper journal! And what a day to miss. Unfortunately as I didn't write it down it's already lost forever to the fog of my awful memory. I guess we'll never know what happened on Tuesday 15th July 2025...

Today oh my gosh. Big long day. Left the house at 11.30 which is actually probably the earliest me and Ed have ever left the house. Went for an historic cycle through local parks, to Alexandra Palace, walked through Queens Woods to the cafe, found the world's sickest jacket in a charity shop, cycled Parkland Walk to Finsbury Park and then on to Andu Ethiopian Cafe so that Ed could try Ethiopian cafe because its fucking delicious. Then made the mistake of going in ANOTHER charity shop and found a CD copy of Steve Reich's Music For 18 Musicians, mentioned in TCR#2. Got that as well, thoroughly debunking the rumour that I was in my saving money era. Cycled on down the canal to Hackney wick and the Olympic park, and popped into Stratford Everyman for a coffee which left me anxious but Ed unsatisfied, so he had another, the caffeine addicted FREAK. By this point Ed's dreams of visiting The Who Shop had been dashed - we were close, but not close enough to make it before closing time, so it'll have to wait till next time. We'll get there eventually, Ed!

Came home via overground and watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. Both big fans of the first one, this one didn't really work for us unforch. I'm tired now.

x. - Thursday 17th July 2025

26. - Friday 18th July 2025

Missed another day in both journals because I was BUSY, okay? I don't owe you people an explanation. Because Ed told me yesterday that he only skim-reads these, and I said well hang on a minute, these are painstakingly and expertly crafted pieces of literature that I put countless hours of work into, and I literally have the yellow thingies that hide away all the non-essential information that you're ALLOWED to skip. And he said yeah but I always read *those* because they're like a little treat. So I sent his ass back to Edinburgh.

27. - Saturday 19th July 2025

17.08. just been fixing up the last two weeks worth of entries and realised i wrote "dieing" in entry #1 fml.

01.11. must suck to be a mosquito. imagine losing the consciousness lottery so bad that you pop into existence as the most hated species on an entire planet. the top of the food chain is so dedicated to getting rid of you that they've put effort into checking whether or not wiping you out would cause damage to ecosystem. you can buy laser beams for your home that detect them and fucking zap them.

28. Sunday 20th July 2025

Nine and a half bastard hours at everyman today but ultimately I dont mind because that's over a hundred pounds padding my pocket from a days work. Going straight to bed on getting home because they want us all in at 8am tomorrow for a fire drill and I LOVE draining my life force for the wants of my employer heart emoji

29. Monday 21st July 2025.

After work fire drill, went to Highgate with Amy to do some charity shopping. Got some cool CDs. Got a nice drink + pastry at the cafe in Queens Woods. And then after I got home having spent all that money, work were short of people so I went and made it all back again. Normalest possible day.

30. Tuesday 22nd July 2025

Did things. Walked Archway to Camden Town hitting up all the charity shops on the way. Got some trousers. Ozzy Osbourne fucking died. Unrelated to me getting trousers.

31. Wednesday 23rd July 2025

Bron is here so we watched Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules. Hyperkino.

32. Thursday 24th July 2025

Went to Drayton Park on the train for bubble tea. Then Wood Green on the tube for plum chips (the premier London snack, fries with sweet plum spice on them. Big up Ji Chickens). Then home on the 184 bus for falafel and Rye Lane and Alien Romulus.

33. Friday 25th July 2025

Having too good a time to spend it writing this! Very late after a short work shift. Brushing my teeth.

x. - Saturday 26th July 2025

34. Sunday 27th July 2025

On train to Edinburgh, to meet Ed there in just over half an hour. After four/five days there I'll be off down to Durham and dragging Ed with me for a night to meet Mac in a sure-to-be-epic collision of personalities. More to follow. This will either be the most exciting portion of this journalling project or the one where I miss the most entries.

Speaking of, I missed yesterday! It was my aunt's wedding, so I was busy all day partying and being the ad-hoc backup photographer for my mum. Good time! Cool party in the William Morris gallery. Didn't know Willy Morris was cool like this, but they had a photobooth for wedding guests set up in the socialism room (?!?) all about how this guy who made floral patterns was actually a raging commie. Hell yeah. Was weird as hell to be waited on with dozens of bottles of wine and platters of food underneath slogans calling for the end of the class system that locks up man's labour. Enough of that nonsense, more merlot please!!!

What else? Mum got stressed out about the photos so ended up having a cheeky little toke with me and bron hehehe. Uhh and all my cousins who'd come for the wedding left this morning, and then Bron did, and now it's me leaving and racing north on a very comfy train. Reading book three (the last one, at least so far) in the Dark Eden series. Good shit. Peeped out the window and saw the top half of the Angel of the North in sillohuette, and caught what I think was lights on Lindisfarne in the full darkness of night. Cool to see both of them in their own right, but also of course a bonus that they both featured in 28 Years Later, which along with Days has featured repeatedly in TCR4 so far. Is it possible that this ridiculous idea might end up forming a cohesive whole after all? No, absolutely not.

35. Monday 28th July 2025

Edinburgh is fucking back baby. Met up with Ed's mate Joe who is the new me (they are getting MARRIED??? this is some bullshit. It should have been me!!!). We went to a flat viewing (aww wholesome throuple!!!) and then up Arthur's seat and then we met a ton more people for Ed's belated birthday bash omg im tired now. Lots of v cool and lovely people hell yeah

x. -Tuesday 29th July 2025

36. Wednesday 30th July 2025

Too busy to journal. What did I even do yesterday? Obviously substances that are preventing me from remembering. Camera roll suggests we went out for breakfast and then walked around. That's right and we watched Hellraiser 1 & 2, great stuff. And then today we went out for breakfast and then walked around and watched Hellraiser 3. THEN we went out for a show at the Fringe, by someone we met two nights ago, a very funny live improvised audience-driven video game. And then I consumed substances that will make me forget it all.

37. Thursday 31st July 2025

Edinburgh Fringe sort of started today but also not? Its just the previews but it seems to me like that's just the shows starting as normal. Or not! We tried to go to one which was thwarted by technical difficulties, so got back to our tour of Edinburgh graveyards. Then went to a show that DID happen, by John R who did the video game one yesterday and the guy's a genius because the second one was great too. Then I bullied Ed into going on a night walk through Holyrood park which ended the day at a hefty 30k steps bicep emoji bicep emoji bicep emoji

38. Friday 1st August 2025

At Mac's place. 3am. Finally met Mac's husband Dom after months if not years of being told nothing about him because he's "mysterious". I'm not going to tell you anything about him because he's mysterious.

39. Saturday 2nd August 2025

Durham is a very cool place. Big curve of a river wrapping around the most fuck-off huge building ive ever seen. We climbed in and out of the ridiculous forest wrapped valley around the water and its own host of enormous aquatic plants. Cathedral had faux-ye-olde art covering up the actual stained glass that was clearly AI gen luh fucking mao. End times. Went and listened to the Durham uni supercomputer hum through the vents and went to a very lovely pub and got drunk hell yeah

(note from 22.09.25: this is like the only photo i took in durham that wasnt of mushrooms lmao)



x. - Sunday 3rd August 2025

40. Monday 4th August 2025

Hold the rotten tomatoes, I'll tell you all about yesterday. Played VIDEO GAMES [] There. Happy now?

Okay okay another thing did happen. Mac is fucking PREGNANT. When this baby pitches up I'm gonna have one hell of a grudge because the limit of what I can manage in conversation is like, did you see any cool movies recently? and now I have to be talking about shit like raising a child and acting as if my life is even 1% that level of togetherness. Fuck you Mac and Dom's baby.

What about today? We were gonna paint. Paint was behind books. We looked through and packed up and got distracted by books. Forgot all about the paint. Booked all over the place. Then great pizza place. Then too tired to write snoring emoji snoring emoji snoring emoji

Super windy day with leaves and branches strewn everywhere. Lovely sound to fall asleep to

x. - Tuesday 5th August 2025

41. Wednesday 6th August

Forgot a day AGAIN. All craziness because the train back from Durham dropped me right at King's Cross where Bronwen was waiting for me. Came home and uhhh did uhhhh well we got stoned and fell asleep basically. Very tired today after ten days of travelling around and doing all sorts of wacky things and being unstoppably social.

Have just found out that SOMEHOW my mum has beat me to seeing Ice Cube in War Of The Worlds. So she's going to be watching it again later today. Will update.

Watched war of the worlds. Peak dogshit. Watched 28 Years Later again again. Good fucking movie. Watched naked gun. Funny

42. Thursday 7th August 2025

Cycled KEW GARDENS with Bron and Raphi. The peak day out. Kew only do cycle days one day a year and that day was today holyyyy shit. Kew is cool by bike. Very different to usual because you're well above walkikg pace and not immersed for so long in the walks between every major destination. Still managed to spot a giant puffball hell yeahhh. Bucket list mushroom ticked the fuck off. Great day out. Thanks Bron and Raphi!!!

43. Friday 8th August 2025

Saw a great big green shooting star right out the living room window!

44. Saturday 9th August 2025

Ahhhh weapons at cinema ahhh race home for work aaaaahhhh come home from work and eat work pizza ahhhhh too tired go to sleep

x. - Sunday 10th August 2025

45. Monday 11th August 2025

Took Bron off to Victoria Coach Station today. The hellscape! Then went and met Amy for bubble tea. Then we came home and I sorted out the last few weeks of this journal on PC and writing and that and geuahhah its late again. But I'm not going anywhere or being busy with people in real life now so it's back to writing enormously long journal entries now. Starting tomorrow. Hopefully.

46. Tuesday 12th August 2025

hehehe i lied

x. - Wednesday 13th August 2025

47. Thursday 14th August 2025 - Suella Braverman Cameo???

Went to serve someone who everyone was whispering was Suella Braverman, and her husband did all the talking and we were in a dark cinema screen so I couldn't tell. when i was done I googled "Suella Braverman husband" and it actually was her holy shiiiit. Very nice to see her she's a long time fan of the newsletter.

Hang on a minute...



Yeah anyway wild to just sort of politely serve someone who helped make life in this country and the world worse.

48. Friday 15th August 2025

Work again! Got home late and ate work pizza in the living room. Amy has been up late too so the last few night's weve been up doing an unrecorded movie podcast. Great time!

49. Saturday 16th August 2025

Exhausted tired evil tired. Falling asleep. Ugh. Calling Bron before bed which is lovely. Made a nice habit of calling them after work at the bus stop every day which has been the perfect way to end a shift, and to balance out the bastard buses never bloody arriving gahahrhh

x. Sunday 17th August 2025

x. Monday 18th August 2025

50. Tuesday 19th August 2025

Youve kinda got to give it to insurance adverts, the go compare man WAS the perfect answer to the compare the meerkats. was in brighton the last few nights at a friend's place! Totally forgot about journalling. came home today for work and uhhh. oh yeah. did I mention finishing the first draft of belhime? I remember writing about almost finishing it. But now its actually done! Going to do a bit of a tidy up and then send it round to people and see what you all think, hopefully by the time this comes out. fuck i had something else to say but I forgot

51. Wednesday 20th August 2025

That's it, I remember now. I finished the first draft of Belhime a few days ago, only for yesterday to herald news of meta's ai department getting downsized, with world experts (random Twitter users) celebrating this as an early sign of the ai bubble popping. Well fuck that, it needs to stick around at LEAST until I get published so it's all still relevant. I'm joining the war on ai on the side of ai. In fact, I'm going to use chatgpt to generate the rest of this entry. I'd be glad to help out with that! I'm currently sitting on a northern line train to Camden. I love the london underground. It's not just fast—it's quick. Some colleagues—who all love generating revenue for the Everyman Media Group as much as I do—are meeting up for farewell drinks for a departing manager (the same one who shat in thunderbird 2). Okay I give up on the whole chatgpt thing. Just been at everyman to see Friendship, the Tim Robinson one. Definitely would have gone wild for it in a bigger crowd, but just politely funny with nine other people in the room. Last night I got too stoned to remember all the things I was going to write about. The important one is that Amelia(!) messaged to tell me that she's fully cast her next audio drama holyyyy shit. You all better listen to Dying In Space right now so you can hear her audiography in order and be all caught up for the new one.

52. Thursday 21st August 2025

Was out in Amy's shed today putting up nails for medieval decorations. That was as out of the house as I got. Computer day otherwise, and reading through the first Belhime draft on kindle. Just watched Hellraiser 5 over the Internet with Ed and now it's too late for me to write ive gotta sleep damnit I do this every time

53. Friday 22nd August 2025

Went to cineworld with Amy for one of her crazy movie days. I'm talking three movies and like eight hours at the cinema. We planned a meal into this shit. I don't normally do them because it's just too much movie at once, but I'd seen two of them once already. Today was: Weapons, Together and Bring Her Back. If I'm not too lazy I'll write a bit about them in the morning. Cinema is crazy. In all three we had people on their damn phones right in front of us. Chosen the good seats right by us in an empty screen only to talk to ChatGPT and look at clothes online. People were making fucking phone calls. This basically heralds the end of the world tbh

54. Saturday 23rd August 2025

New Wolf Alice album is good. Really like Leaning Against The Wall and White Horses. Less than a month to go now, so maybe THIS will be album of the season?

55. Sunday 24th August 2025

Where am I at right now? Spent lots of today just messing around on computer which is a very wasteful way to spend summer. Not that I was planning to do anything particularly outdoorsy. Sitting at computer and writing, or spreading out on the sofa to read are the things on the agenda for most days, and I did a little bit of both but not really enough. I do think video games are actually probably evil. At least the ones I play, which are without narrative and just allow for endless mucking about. I've intentionally avoided factorio for some time now because it is SUCH a timesink with absolutely no useful output, and whilst it has "goals", you can just blow right past them and keep playing forever. A few nights ago I woke up having had a particularly vivid dream where I was playing some surreal version of it, and I havent played it in months. Worries me how much these things seem to stick around in my psyche. Small wonder I dont dream about minecraft every night given how much I played it. In fact im not sure ive ever dreamed about minecraft. Anyway I must cut it out. Today, over and over, I found myself distracted from writing far too easily. Tomorrow will surely be the day that I genuinely actually finally lock the fuck in, right? I hope so because I've set myself the deadline of finishing and distributing the second draft alongside this, on September 21st, which means I have less than thirty days to edit and improve forty chapters. Not very clever! Especially when it's so tempting to continue expanding this piece. When it started writing, I was aiming for 4000 words, and when I finished the first draft it was at 46k. There's so many places to elaborate, why don't I just keep on pushing until it's 100, 120k and have a full novel on my hands? We'll see. Really what I should be doing is smoothing out edges and keeping it around 50k, and then expand if all my first draft readers (that's you lot) think it needs it. But instead, when i havent been distracted by other stuff on my screen, ive just been adding and adding and adding.

ANYWAY. I'm off to work. Waiting for the bus. Also been thinking about THIS journal, which ive obviously lost a bit of steam with. Doesn't help that I'm trying to do LESS through August and September in a money saving endeavour, which won't make for the most thrilling reading. Omg i stayed at home today!!! Going to go on more walks i think. Not great only going out to catch the bus to work.

56. Monday 25th August 2025

Double bill at cineworld imax with Amy and some work friends. Interstellar and Inception, we're film broing out

57. Tuesday 26th August 2025

Average normal day. Trying to work out how to do writing stuff. Uhhh work. Watched Succession, the election episode. What a show WOWIE

58. Wednesday 27th August 2025

On the northern line again, heading into town to meet Amelia for Eddington. I still never watched Beau is Afraid, sorry Ari Aster but that's what you get for making your movie three hours long. At least The Brutalist had an intermission. Spent the morning (or the afternoon with how long it takes me to get out of bed) charity shopping with Amy, unfortunately fruitless. Well hey I'm saving money. After Eddington it's back out along the northern line for work drinks.

Ok so I saw Eddington. Heard lots of mixed things about it but I had a great time, mostly because I've met all the characters in real life. If you haven't heard all my stories from the fudge factory, hmu for a novel's worth of crazy stories. Feels a pretty fair summation of the different kinds of crazy we all went during the pandemic.

How come they never managed to hybridise grapes? You cant get like half red half white grapes? Thats some bullshit

59. Thursday 28th August 2025

Saw tenet in imax today. Stoned, of course. How else are you meant to watch tenet?!?

60. Friday 29th August 2025

That autumn feeling is coming in fast. Can feel the change in the air, and a lot of leaves have been coming down because it's so dry. Mushroom season hell yeahhhhh

61. Saturday 30th August 2025

Nearly 4am OOPS hang on one sec

62. Sunday 31st August 2025

Only 2.30am right now so that's fine. Went out with Raphi yesterday! We met at Oakwood and got on the tube but didn't have a clue where we were going. Ended up getting off at King's Cross and walking the canal to Camden which was cool because we used to go there a lot. Next time we'll go somewhere new. Chatted on Primrose Hill, lovely time!!! Then went to work, which I did today as well. Big power cut so we were cleaning up the building in haunted half-dark. Came home and FINALLY watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Good good movie and really captured the weirdness of dream logic. Mentioned previously that power cuts always have extra spooky vibes for me. Being plunged into darkness, the way all the electronics beep and reset as they struggle without or get used to the power turning back on. Maybe a tiny part of that at least is that a recurring thing that used to make me realise I was in a dream was light switches not working. When the power cuts out how am I supposed to tell if I'm awake?

x. Monday 1st September 2025

63. Tuesday 2nd September 2025

Night here in Barry, with thick dark clouds overhead. They've been rolling over all day bringing fits of rain, mostly harmless but occasionally torrential.

When I arrived yesterday I was reminded of the music and drawing session i went to at the coffee shop last time, because that coffee shop is right in the station. I checked their instagram and wow! What a coincidence, the next session was today! So I've just been at that, and it was just as good as last time. Wild to think that the last time, when it ended there was that amazing sunset that I'm already using as the backdrop for this, and now, at the same time of day a few months later, it's dark and stormy. Walking out to the harbour arm again. Not going down onto the sand today but it'll be nice to hear the sea.

x. Wednesday 3rd September 2025

64. Thursday 4th September 2025

Ogmore castle

Walking the sketchy footpath to an uphill hike, and then back downhill to the beach

Ogmore beach

Oops done a few things very tired bye

x. Friday 5th September 2025

65. Saturday 6th September 2025

Oh shit how behind am I! missing days, barely written anything. and not just for this, whilst I was at Bron's and they were at college I was meant to do some more work on the second draft of Belhime. and did I? fuck no! so oops i'm in big trouble and behind on everything. but i had a great time! two days ago me and Bron went on a big walk outside Bridgend. the amazing thing about Wales is that it's full of the most boring towns you've ever seen, but as soon as you step outside them you're in the most unbelievable landscapes. we got off the 303 bus and found ourselves walking through fields of ferns and orchids! so that was GREAT. then yesterday i travelled back home, sleeping most of the coach ride (although not before listening to the new big thief album, which is, who'd have guessed, fantastic! maybe THAT could be album of the season?), got back, changed, went straight back out from work so I was conked the fuck out. hence no entry. anyway i'm glad i took lots of photos because i wasn't writing in this OR my paper journal because i couldn't find a pen OOPS. anyway. home stretch now. i've clearly lost a little bit of energy with this, and it's seeming a tad unlikely that Belhime will come out alongside it. hmm! lots to do!

66. Sunday 7th September 2025

Went to Queen's Wood with Raphi and Diana! Chilled out at the cafe then walked around loads spying mushrooms before walking to Muswell Hill around the part of Parkland Walk with a really good view. Then home for the lunar eclipse which was halfway over by the time it peeked out from behind withdrawing clouds. Hell yeah.

67. Monday 8th September 2025

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. work 9-2pm. get to work. fucking nothing going on, super quiet. ceo of the whole entire company is coming in at 2.30pm with a "shareholder" like it's fucking succession. fill up sauce pots so people can dip their damn chips. get ketchup on shirt. that's fine, i'll be gone before the ceo gets here to see me with sauce on my shirt. it goes from NOTHING going on to loads of the neediest customers i've ever served turning up at once. one of them asked if they could have the ice cream seperate from their cookies FOUR different times between me and a manager. was very tempted to not do that. "can you stay till 4pm" yeah if you're alright with the ceo seeing me with sauce on my shirt. manager is out getting change from the bank and his uber crashes. three police cars in the car park searching the boot of a mini. ceo arrives. is actually a nice guy, shame about all the wage theft. random guy comes in and questions me for like ten minutes on our prices, our quality vs other cinemas, whether our meat is halal ("yeah the chicken is" "i actually hate halal and want BRITISH meat instead" fuck yourself), why is it so expensive, do your seats recline are they comfortable oh my god man. endlessly frustrating day. big doodoo fart shift. biiiiig doodoo fart. doodooing farts all over the fart doodoo. was only there for 7 hours! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

68. Tuesday 9th September 2025

Started writing a whole different thing last night OOPS! obviously i'm meant to be busy with belhime, but i've taken a little break with 'THIEVES', which, unlike belhime, will definitely be finished by the 21st. it's about... well, you probably already know what it's about. with any luck you've read it by now! it's only meant to be, like, 20-25 pages, and i've already written half of it. had the idea before going to queen's wood the other day, which obviously compounded on it, as did watching the long walk last night. yeah, after complaining about the cinema for all of yesterday's entry, i went to the cinema again. but it's a different one, so it was okay! when i was putting the idea together, i wasn't picturing them as rich guys, so having the ceo drop in was also great inspiration. been enjoying writing it very much. it's kind of a nothing thing, because it's just a "rich people suck" story with pretty much no substance at all, but it's great fun to write about annoying dipshits. with any luck that'll be done tomorrow, which will give me the satisfaction of finishing and releasing something (get your mind out of the GUTTER!) before i get back to belhime.

69. Wednesday 10th September 2025

Damn I left it way late again. Watched movies. Plus Charlie Kirk got sniped what the fuck. It's fine I have an alibi, I was watching Paranorman.

70. Thursday 11th September 2025

Its late again FUCK!!! wrote today. Trying to finish this thing because i dont have enough time to finish the other thing I wanna finish. Went to a gig with raphi at the fiddler's elbow HELL YEAH. was "the fizzy kisses" and "parenthesis dot dot dot", PEAK pub show BOOM

71. Friday 12th September 2025

saw a thing at the start of this month about how the length of the day changes fastest around the equinoxes, and something like 90 minutes of daylight gets shaved off during september. last night i looked out of my window at 4.30am and could see orion in the sky, and it got me thinking about how much the night sky must change during this time, too. need to pay more attention to it, spend more time actively stargazing. amy knows all the constellations and she's always trying to teach me so it shouldn't be too hard to learn.

also been thinking a lot about ADVERTS, and how much they manage to permeate out culture. on streets, on trains, at home, on our phones. everywhere you look! idk maybe its just because i stand around in cinema screens all day having them blasted full volume + on a giant screen at me. but we share them as big in-jokes, like the jet2 holiday thing, in place of literally anything else. products as culture. labubu dubai chocolate matcha.

hopefully finished with THIEVES tomorrow. think i'll release it alongside this on the 21st, when i was meant to release that belhime draft. oops! but glad to have finally actually done a short story. first time in years! very cool. gotta keep it up!

p.s. just added in stuff from where i've been writing this on my phone and found out i already wrote about the advert thing in entry 60 lol

72. Saturday 13th September 2025

Woefully understaffed work shift. Annoying as fuck. Downtown Abbey crowd are very annoying and desperately needy in an old posh people way. One person had a full on freak out about being claustrophobic and too hot in our 170 seater screen (biggest freestanding screen in Europe by the way) and could we please turn the air con on, and another said they were way too cold and could we please turn the air con off. Just got out at 1am. Going home now. Finished THIEVES at least, with a final touch ive got to add on when I get back. Will be up late eating my work food and then im back at work at 1pm tomorrow to do it all over again YIPPEE!

x. Sunday 14th September 2025

73. Monday 15th September 2025 - WRITING & THIEVES

very windy day! it's got cold in the house fast! here comes autumn! have been just relaxing and feeling FINE about it and not procrastinate-y having finished thieves. wow who knew making things was rewarding??? also very happy because i was meant to have work at 9am tomorrow but it's been cut back to 2pm hell yeaaaah. wait. i forgot i need money to live! NOOOOOOOO!
anyway i've mentioned it a few times in here but i should talk about it in a self-contained way. i have been working on short novel "THE GODS OF BELHIME" for a few months, and recently started fixing up the first draft to share it around. before i got very far, i was struck by inspiration for another thing, which i decided to use as a little break from belhime. enter THIEVES, a 26 page short thing about three arseholes who go into a tiny wood in their neighbourhood and find themselves totally, completely lost. written in about a week i think? you can read it NOW!!! it's literally FINISHED! here's a link!

74. Tuesday 16th September 2025 - Album of the Season!

Well I've just been messaging Roshan about music and albums, so I suppose the time has come for ALBUM OF THE SEASON!

There have been plenty mentioned so far. Just as a refresher, we've had:
Spaceage - ST-37 (Entry #1)
V - Unknown Mortal Orchestra(Entry #12)
Mahal - Toro Y Moi (also #12)
The Clearing - Wolf Alice(Entry #64)
 Double Infinity - Big Thief (Entry #75)

And Portishead's Dummy scored much of my summer but hasn't had a mention. I've also been listening to XTC and Tangerine Dream a lot, and as I'm writing this I'm listening to Witch: We Intend To Cause Havoc!



But which one is going to be album of the season? Honestly, it could be any of them. But I think in the end it has to be...



THAT'S RIGHT! It's Caroline Polachek's Desire, I Want to Turn Into You.

75. Wednesday 17th September 2025 - CASS DAY

Mag visited London today! Toured the usual snack and bubble tea spots in central before we went to see Conjuring 4: The Last One. Very fun time! Picked up a book, "Folk Horror On Film" which will guide my October movie watching hopefully!

It is also CASS DAY, the day wot i said I was changing my name on four years ago. Birthday TWO! now I must pursue HRT purely to secure a third birthday.



anyway aww look at baby cass thinking it's just a phase, how cute!!! congrats bitch you learned that all identity is merely transitory, now LIVE WITH IT and grow boobs.



Foundational post for me. Sometimes silly internet text posts really do have power over your life. There was a tweet a while back that asked "if someone followed you around for a day, would they be able to tell what your practise is?" which did make me REALLY understand just how little I did any writing, or reading, or notetaking, or just anything adjacent to writing at all.

anyway I really should sort out legally changing my name for realsies

76. Thursday 18th September 2025

Started horror movie season early with The Frighteners, which is about "What if ghosts were goofy cartoon characters" and somehow I didn't love it! Also played video games and imagined being productive. Mac and their friend Tom who i met one time like six years ago (true legend) have started a minecraft server so there goes any hopes of finishing Belhime

77. Friday 19th September 2025

Watched Nosferatu (1922) its crazy that we've been making good movies for over a hundred years hell yeah. Went to work too, boo, wall to wall downtown abbey, unfortunately cinema is dead

78. Saturday 20th September 2025 - Sandord Housing Co-op

Hell yeah. Party in a housing co-op in Deptford. Coolest thing ive ever been to in my life. Food cooked up in people's kitchens and two music stages, and then when it was all over there was a DJ in a living room right on the end of the block. Amazing night of music and community and good vibes. Drank and smoked and had a teeny tiny bit of shroom and giggled all the way home on the tube with Raphi

79. Sunday 21st September 2025 - Skeleton of the Season

A few skeletons have shown themselves this summer.

This one was somewhere in Durham

This guy on a clock in the National Museum of Scotland

ANOTHER skeleton clock spotted in Nosferatu the other day

Cavemanning with the cavemen (my apologies to the cavemen)

But ultimately, this serene one seems like a nice antidote to last newsletter's angry fella. It's been a very contemplative time, what with having this journal running alongside my regular one, and I've spent a lot of time by the sea, be it in Barry or Brighton. So yeah. Here's The Lonely Planet by Mike Worrall.